Category: Let's talk
I attend a sewing circle for two to four hours on Saturday night. Now I have only lived in this small town for three years, and most have lived here all their lives, so relating to what and who they talk about isn't always easy.
Last night one mentioned a woman, who, back in 1952, married a childless divorced guy. The marriage lasted until his death, but at that time it was scandalous to marry a divorce. Most all of her friends dropped all contact with her, and of all the people they invited, only six came. This man's first marriage was very brief. Evidently he made the mistake of finding out stuff like this woman's ideas about kids too late...like after they married...and found out they were totally incompatible based on different goals in life. He didn't bring children into the marriage, which can complicate things.
Even in this day and age women gossip and whisper about divorced folks. I have a guy friend at work who is a custodial dad. Most guys feel comfortable talking to the woman who works accross from me. If they knew how far their business got repeated, that would probably stop, and she hasn't been as bad since her little friend got moved to the other side of the room. However, Joe mentioned some proceeding involving his divorce, and the ex wife/egg donor gives him no personal or financial assistance with their son. Gossipy woman says, "It's cheaper to keep her. Couldn't you have kept someone on the side?" What the heck? She even mentions to her little friend, "People shouldn't divorce each other. It's cheaper to stay together and just cheat or something." GASP...This is a woman with a husband and three kids to serve as an example of womanhood, not to mention she's responsible for all employee training.
Why is divorce ANYONE's business unless one of the divorce(e)'s is marrying someone else? Some of these celebrities who are regarded as stable family people, like the late Robert Urich and Paul Newman, if you look them up on www.imdb.com, they were actually divorced from first wives before they met the partners they stuck by until their deaths, and it has to beat adultery and homicide.
Sometimes the first marriage is known as the practice marriage. I know many couples within my own family that had failed first marriages, but the second one lasted over 25 years.
Thom
First, in a small town, everyone is in everyone else's business, end of story. If a person is going to live in a small town, where most have lived all their lives, then the kind of thing you describe is only to be expected. It sucks, which is one of the many reasons I would not want to live in a small town. Second, the first thing you described happened all the way back in the 50's, when attitudes on women, children, divorce, and many other things were completely different than they are today.
I know something of what you're talking about: the city I grew up in was a good size, but the Catholic school I attended for the first part of my childhood was extremely small. My parents divorced when I was eight, and of course divorce and Catholicism...well, they don't mix. My sisters and I were treated differently by the school's staff, other students, and even the parents of our friends. It was not easy at all. Again, one of the many reasons why I would not send my kids, (if I ever planned to have any, which I don't) to a reall small school.
Second, as far as celebrities go, it's other people's business because often the celebs choose to make it so. Even negative attention is still attention for them. Even tabloid press is still press. Most celebs seem to be just fine with that. Even if they aren't, I think they have to recognize it's something that comes with their fame. It's the macrocosm of what I said about small towns. When you're that famous, and everyone knows at least who you are, then they want to know about you, and it just spins out from there. So, when a person craves, and obtains, that kind of fame, such invasive press is going to come with it.
I'm not saying it makes all of this right: just saying it's often reality.
To the original poster, I agree with you. However, people like to gossip about whatever they can, and most of it we can't stop. It's just the kind of small talk a lot of people like. Of course, there are certain religions who will talk even more about this,. because divorce might as well be a crime to them. If this is what they choose to believe, it's none of our business to tell them they can't, nor is it their business to tell us we can't divorce, or other such things they wouldn't agree with.